Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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