as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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