My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The power of my boobs compel you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
