My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize