I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
