...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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