I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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