Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just threw up on my dentist
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
