this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
