My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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