Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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