I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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