This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are we still banned from the library?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
