i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You don't make any sense
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