i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
