some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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