i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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