Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dignity is for republicans.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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