Plan B is the new Plan A
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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