singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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