captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
