dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
