Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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