they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
