One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
