Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
