you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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