Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
