Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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