mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
