i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
