dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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