Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
