my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
