the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
