I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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