i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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