instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
