After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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