the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
