Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
