my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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