so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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