dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
