they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So here I am, sexting at work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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