someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
