I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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