if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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