i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize