I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
