Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
