Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
