I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
