I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
