I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
