i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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