i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
