I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
