The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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