i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
