Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
