Your face is a jimmy john
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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