Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I love having hate sex.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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