The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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