I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cockslap morals
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
