not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
