I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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