Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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