Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
