Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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