I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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