giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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