I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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