did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
