Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
