dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
