Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
