Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
