I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
