Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
