Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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