Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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