Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
