So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
