just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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