3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
