Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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